A Sendoff to a Dear Friend (My Pioneer CLD-59 Laserdisc Player)

I know its weird to write a eulogy for an electronic, but I felt such a deep connection to my first real Laserdisc player, that I thought you all should know just how empty I feel now that it's gone.

My Pioneer CLD-59 Elite Laserdisc player ended up in my possession at the end of my ninth grade year after a now legendary Craigslist deal. By legendary, I don't really mean people whisper about its mythical status, but I mean legendary in its effects on me, and my personality. After I picked up this player, and a hundred and twenty five movies or so, life was definitely never the same. The collection included a plethora of classics - the original Star Wars Trilogy, Spartacus, A Clockwork Orange, Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia, and many more. Suddenly, I went from the loud kid who just talked about video games, to a kid who developed a reputation for movie watching. Like, a reputation that has followed me from that time period to now, when people who know more than one Chris often refer to me as "movie Chris," or on some occasions, "Blu Ray Chris," as it evolved in college. I love that. Movies are pretty much my life blood, the making of them, the watching of them, the presentation of them, and it all started with my Pioneer Laserdisc player.

I mean, I remember taking a class photo of my ninth grade biology classroom, and my love for laserdisc at that point was so overwhelming that I am in the picture, at the front, holding a Chemistry laserdisc in my hands, because that's ultimately how I wanted to be remembered. I have so many great memories attached to this player - spending the summer sharing the Star Wars trilogy with friends who had never seen it before between ninth and tenth grade, the really awkward text message conversation that occurred during my first screening of A Clockwork Orange on Laserdisc; acquiring a smaller laserdisc player so that I could bring laserdiscs with me to school, as the CLD-59 was far too heavy to haul in on a bus - that's right, sophomore year, I dragged a smaller V2800 player with me to my AP World Class to hold a screening of my laserdisc of Independence Day, and a year later to AP US History for a screening of Gone With the Wind, and once more in the twilight hours of my senior year to hold a screening of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves for my psychology class. None of these great memories and experiences would be possible if I hadn't gotten that Pioneer CLD-59 Laserdisc player.

About six months ago, I retired my CLD-59, with hopes to repair the issues I was having, in which it refused to read my laserdiscs, spitting them back out at me whenever I went to play one. I replaced it with a different player, which started making obnoxious noises, and spitting discs out this past Sunday evening. In a last attempt of desperation, I pulled out my CLD-59, so see if whatever issue it was having, it had gotten over. Turns out, the motor that spun the discs was failing, and on Monday night, it went out with a nasty whimper, burning smell and everything. The error code specified that it was receiving too much voltage, which ruined it. It will never spin again, as the repairs required to fix it would be far too costly to even consider. It is truly the end of an era.

That player has been by my side for over five years, and has seen me through hell and back. It saw me through the toughest years of high school, and through the brutal semesters where I suffered through organic chemistry. In the end, with all of its quirks and its issues, it had developed its own sort of personality. The kind of personality that I am going to miss having in my life. It died right when I needed it most, seeing as I just added another 30 or so discs to the collection. I figured it would happen eventually, but I never anticipated the hole in my heart that a large black box has left. The thing ran for thousands of hours under my watch, it owed me absolutely nothing. We turned twenty together, it being built a month after I was born, and when I turn twenty one this February, I do it knowing I have lost one of the most reliable friends that I have ever had. Call me overly sentimental, call me crazy, but I am going to miss that Laserdisc player.

R.I.P. Pioneer CLD-59 Elite Laserdisc Player (March 1995-December 2015)

My Beef with The Force Awakens - SPOILERS WITHIN 12/22/15

Before I make my piece, I loved Star Wars: The Force Awakens. I loved the New Hope-y ness of it all, I loved the part where the Millennium Falcon was jokingly called a piece of garbage. I loved the part where Han and Chewie showed up, moreso as goofball loser Return of the Jedi guys, rather than hardened scoundrels with hearts of gold. I got really excited when they got to the mysterious cantina planet, and whatsherface gave Rey, then Finn Luke's lightsaber, and mischief was had with it.  Kylo Ren, while he desperately needed some more screen time to explain his existence, was a great look at what became of the Jedi Order in the post-Disney canon, and what he did to Han Solo, while totally unforgivable and devastating, was the perfect way to send off post-ROTJ Han. In fact, it was the only way I could see it being done. That series of lightsaber battles on the Starkiller planet? Badass as hell. The X-Wing dogfighting? Decent, if not in about as much of a need for screen time as our boy Kylo. A lot of characters got tossed around, and used heavily in marketing; Captain Phasma, Lor San Tekka, who the hell were these guys? Why was one of them featured so prominently in the trailer and then tossed out like garbage? I'll chock that up to the fact that Abrams really didn't want to include an intermission in his 4-hour long epic, even though I imagine many of us would've sat through the whole thing three times. Obviously, the film answered about 2% of the questions it raised, but honestly, that just means that Episode 8 has some really, really big shoes to fill in 2017.

What bothered me, to the point that I think its worth talking about in detail, is the treatment of the character Luke Skywalker. You know, that guy who pulled everything together last minute to blow up the Death Star, the guy who fought Darth Vader twice, and lived. That dude that the WHOLE FIRST STORY IS ABOUT. Yeah, him.

Before the expanded universe even exploded in the early 90s, we already knew Luke was the best of us. He joined up with Red Squadron in a last ditch effort to stop a giant planet mauling device, essentially a suicide effort. He flew with Rogue Squadron and helped save hundreds of lives in the Battle of Hoth. Hell, the guy gave up his future as a Jedi to save those who were closest to him when he sensed that they were in danger. Luke Skywalker nearly fell to the dark side in the process of trying to stop the emperor during a duel to the death with Darth Vader. He was ultimately successful in turning Darth Vader back to the light side, he had done the impossible.

As the expanded universe erupted, he continued to be this amazing leader figure. He worked nearly to death to build and establish the Jedi Academy on Yavin 4. He sought out and trained a whole new generation of Jedi to help bring peace and order to the galaxy. Hell, the guy honed in the skills of great but reckless Jedi such as Kyle Katarn and Corrin Horn. He trained the Solo twins, Jacen and Jaina, as well as Princess Leia herself.

When the Yuuzhan Vong showed up during the New Jedi Order series, and killed trillions in their attempt to exterminate the Jedi, who they saw as their only threat, Luke stood his ground, and upheld the ideals of the Jedi Order to help bring the Vong to justice. When Jacen Solo rose to power as the evil Darth Caedus in the Legacy of the Force series of books, and murdered his wife, Mara Jade Skywalker, he stayed the course. He transitioned from battle hardened hero, to wise, patient master with ease. Where we left him, as Disney nuked the EU canon, he was still out there, fighting for justice and training the next generation of Jedi, his resolve unwavering.

There are a million ways in which EU Luke upheld everything he represented in the original trilogy of Star Wars films.

The Force Awakens, while an appropriate subtitle for the film, would have been better titled as The Search for Luke Skywalker, as that's pretty much what the entire movie boiled down to, all ties to A New Hope tossed aside. The story begins with a large massacre carried out by the First Order to find a piece of a map to help track down Skywalker. Death and destruction is rained down on Cantina-land in order to find the map. Rey is kidnapped by Kylo Ren, and brutally tortured in order to obtain this damn map piece, unsuccessfully.

Why is Luke missing?

No really, I get it. Kylo Ren went nutso dark side and murdered the next generation of Jedi, forcing Luke to flee into hiding, but why?

Why did the man who flew blindly into the trenches of the Death Star with little hope of success, or who fought off Vader's attempts not once, but twice, disappear without a trace? I'm sure we'll find out the answer in 2017, but that's two years from now. So, being that it's 2015, what the fuck is going on?

How could they screw up Luke Skywalker so badly?

In the Legacy of the Force series, Jacen Solo becomes the evil dictator of the Galactic Alliance, and falls to the dark side, killing countless Jedi and civilians, including Luke Skywalker's wife, and Luke didn't immediately go into hiding. The Yuuzhan Vong destroyed entire worlds that sympathized with the Jedi cause, and yet Luke didn't run off to some obscure planet to be left alone. I get it, in this new movie, he kind of dropped the ball with Kylo Ren, but why didn't he stick around? He helped the worst of them all, Darth Vader, realize the light within him, even if it took three movies. Why couldn't Luke be bothered to stick around and see to it that Kylo saw the same love that Luke's father eventually did?

I guess maybe they're doing the whole Ben Kenobi on Tatooine route, but that was never Luke' style. Both Obi Wan and Yoda taught him to confront his fears head on, not to run from them and become a recluse.

I'm a little distraught, and tired, so I'm going to call it a night. But think about it, would you? Is this the Luke we know and love? Would he have ran into hiding to hone his skill on some isolated planet? Or would be pull a Return of the Jedi, and immediately kick back into action when he worked to rescue Han Solo on Tatooine following the conclusion of Empire Strikes Back. It just doesn't sit right with me.

- Chris